Normal People Don't Think This. Or Do They?
How to Protect Your Self-Esteem From Loud Thoughts
Have you ever had a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere, and you were horrified that your mind was able to think it? Do your negative thoughts get so overwhelming that they make you feel bad about yourself and unworthy to be around? Are your thoughts so loud that they create anxiety and make you feel ashamed of yourself? These are all examples of intrusive thoughts—and believe it or not, they are your body’s response to stress and anxiety.
Intrusive thoughts happen to everyone. They can show up suddenly in the form of “what if” questions, self-criticism, or mental images that feel out of place. They become a problem when they are frequent, loud, and hard to ignore. Intrusive thoughts can chip away at our self-esteem, causing us to lose confidence and want to hide from the world.
You may be asking yourself, “What exactly is an intrusive thought?” They are unwanted mental events that pop into your mind without permission. They aren’t reflections of who you are or what you desire. They aren’t warnings or predictions. They’re simply neurological misfires—your brain throwing out random noise. This often happens when you are feeling stressed, exhausted, or emotionally overloaded.
Intrusive thoughts can feel very personal. One part of our mind says, “That thought came out of nowhere!” and another part whispers, “If I’m having these thoughts, what does that say about me?” We start to feel shame and anxiety when these thoughts become too much. These thoughts can negatively impact our self-esteem and take away from our sense of control. We start to think:
“Normal people don’t think this.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I stop it?”
We become our own harshest critic—our inner bully. Over time, this becomes the new norm for us. We beat ourselves up, and our self-worth withers away. If this goes on long enough, we begin to withdraw from relationships, opportunities, and experiences. Over time, that withdrawal reinforces the belief that there is something wrong with us and that we cannot trust ourselves.
Intrusive thoughts latch on to what we care about the most. If you value kindness, they’ll attack with violent images. If you value loyalty, they’ll whisper doubts. If you value being a good parent, they’ll throw out “worst-case scenarios.” If you value being in control, they’ll convince you you’re not. If you value attachment, they’ll whisper worries of abandonment.
How to Protect Your Self-Esteem From Loud Thoughts
You won’t always be able to control intrusive thoughts; however, you can control the power you give them. Here are some strategies to help:
Name them for what they are: intrusive.
Labeling the thought (“This is just an intrusive thought”) weakens its emotional hold on you. It shifts you out of fear and into awareness.Practice compassionate self-talk.
Replace your negative self-talk with honesty and kindness:
“This thought makes me feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t define me, and it doesn’t mean I will act on it.”
“Everyone has these thoughts. These thoughts make me human.”Allow the thought to pass without fighting it.
You don’t need to hash over whether these thoughts mean anything. When you do, the thoughts become louder. Giving the thought space to fade on its own helps your brain learn that the thought is irrelevant.Challenge the shame you’re feeling.
Ask yourself: “Would I judge my closest friend for having this thought?” Almost always, the answer will be “no.” Treat yourself with the same grace you would give a friend.Seek support.
Talking to a therapist can help you untangle intrusive thoughts from your identity, rebuild confidence, and learn tools for responding to your mind without fear.
Intrusive thoughts can feel terrifying, but they don’t define who you are. They don’t reveal a truth you’re hiding. They don’t expose flaws in your character. They are simply symptoms of stress and anxiety. Your values—the choices you make, how you treat people, how you show up—those define you.
If intrusive thoughts have been eating away at your sense of self-worth, you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
If you’d like some help challenging intrusive thoughts and reclaiming your self-esteem, I’d be honored to help you.
You can learn more about working together or schedule a session through my website.