When Self-Care Feels Like Guilt

Have you ever felt guilty having to take care of yourself?

I’ll be honest, I experienced that this week. An unnecessary guilt, because I came down with the flu and had to cancel client sessions. I even tried to talk myself into doing virtual therapy so I could still meet with my people, but when the fever spiked to 102°F, I knew that I was down for the count.

Where does this guilt come from?

For some of us, this feeling comes from early childhood experiences.

Perhaps we were put into a caretaker role too soon because our parents needed help with younger siblings. Perhaps we desperately wanted friends when we were younger and learned to be the caretaker of the group in order to fit in. Perhaps we did not have a healthy self-esteem and did not believe we deserved to be taken care of. It could be many things.

Here’s the thing.

Those old thoughts don’t make any sense. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is only by taking care of ourselves that we are able to take care of other people. So feeling guilty when we have to stop and take a day or two to recover is counterproductive.

When I notice these old thoughts creeping in, when my body is telling me I need to take care of myself, this is what I tell myself:

“I’m feeling guilty about cancelling appointments. This guilt comes from an old belief that taking care of myself is selfish. In reality, resting while I’m sick is responsible and protects my clients, my practice, and myself. By prioritizing my health, I can show up fully for my clients when I’m well. Taking care of myself is part of being a good therapist, not the opposite. I am allowed to set boundaries and take care of myself without shame.”

By repeating something like this to yourself when you are experiencing unnecessary guilt, you are retraining your nervous system and forming a new self-belief.

Taking care of yourself does not equal selfishness. Sometimes the most responsible thing we can do is stop. Rest is not something we earn after pushing through. It is something we need in order to keep going.